If Today
by Janna Silver Hawkins
Summary: The Doctor and Rose have a talk about the events leading up to and during Fear Her.


Ten fic inspired by Nickelback's iIf Today Was Your Last Day/i. I love that song! Oh and Mr Tedopoulo is real! Read iWinner Takes All/i and see for yourselves!

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__If today was your last day_

_and tomorrow was too late_

_Could you say goodbye to yesterday?_

_Would you live each moment like your last?_

_Leave old pictures in the past_

_Donate every dime you have?_

_If today was your last day_ -Nickelback

~..~

It was quiet aboard the TARDIS that night. Too quiet.

Rose had silently headed off to her room almost as soon as they had closed the doors on 2012 London. The Doctor was still in the console room, sprawled out beneath the console, tinkering while he tried to calm the frantic thoughts running through his head.

He thought that she had had fun at the Olympics. Could it be she was still upset after losing him that first horrible day? She had seemed happy enough during the Games themselves, cheering for her country's athletes during every event they had snuck into with his slightly psychic paper. She had even joined in with the cheers when the American medalist Michael Phelps came in first in every swimming event even when he had teased her about being a traitor.

He frowned slightly and twisted a wire back into place. Although, come to think of it, she had seemed a bit subdued during the Closing Ceremonies and she hadn't been very talkative on the way back to the TARDIS. She hadn't even wanted one of the cakes with edible ball bearings and banana frosting he had found and managed to save for her even though it had been extremely tempting to just eat them all at once.

Maybe she was just worn out, he thought suddenly while closing a panel and sealing it with his sonic screwdriver. After almost three weeks of racing between different events even he was staring to run out of energy. And that was saying something since it seemed this particular regeneration was chock full of it. Maybe it had something to do with the caffeine in that tea of Jackie's that had helped him recover back at Christmas.

He sighed and pushed himself out from under the console, brushing dust off his suit distractedly. Perhaps he should go check on her just to be on the safe side. It couldn't hurt could it? Also if he was really quiet she'd never know he was there. He grinned suddenly. He could pretend to be a spy scouting out potential dangers to his friends without them knowing. Maybe a James Bond sort of spy? Hmm possibly. He already had the suit for the part. He walked out into the hallway, humming the Bond theme as he went.

~..~

As the Doctor crept silently down the hallway to Rose's room, he paused every few moments to listen for any indication that she knew he was coming. He finally reached her door and was surprised to find it slightly ajar. He peeked around the edge, ready to jump back if she was undressing. What he saw however made his breath hitch in his throat.

Rose was curled up on her bed, facing the door and tightly hugging the large stuffed bear he had always teased her about. He carefully pushed the door open enough for him to slip inside and crouched beside her bed, noticing the black trails of drying mascara running down her cheeks. The Doctor reached into his pocket for a tissue and gently dabbed at the dark streaks. Her eyes flew open suddenly and startled, he fell backwards onto the floor.

She sat up and stared at him. "Doctor? What are you doing in here?"

"I...uh...I was just checking to make sure you were feeling alright. You seemed a little quiet earlier."

"Oh."

"Oh?" he said curiously as he managed to pull himself back into a sitting position. "What does that 'oh' mean?"

"It just means 'oh.' I'm fine," she said, squeezing her bear again.

"I see. You know, Rose, if you hold Mr. Tedopoulos any tighter his little button eyes might pop off."

She glanced down as if just noticing the ragged bear still clutched in her arms. "Oh yeah. He probably doesn't need any more wear and tear."

His eyes traveled over the many rips in the bear's clothing and patches of fur missing. "He looks different than when I last saw him. What happened?"

"The last time you saw him was when I picked him up from Mum. Back when you were still all leather and ears. That's been a while."

"Over two years. A bear can get onto a lot of trouble in that amount of trouble," he replied, nodding while managing to keep a straight face.

She smirked. "You can talk, trouble magnet! How many planets have we been banned from now?"

He scowled. "Only fourty-two! And most of those times it wasn't even my fault!"

"Of course it wasn't," she said quickly, her sudden giggle somewhat betraying her serious manner.

He rolled his eyes and muttered something about over-tired apes as he clambered onto the bed next to her. "So what's really the matter, Rose?" he asked gently after a few moments of silence. "Why were you crying?"

She sobered immediately and looked away. "Nothing. I'm fine now, really."

"Rose," he said quietly, reaching out to touch her still damp cheek.

"You were gone," she whispered after a few moments. "You were gone and the TARDIS was gone and I didn't know what to do. Everyone else who was trapped in Chloe's pictures was back but I couldn't find you anywhere."

He reached his arm around and drew her close as she started to sob. "Oh, Rose, I'm so sorry," he whispered. "You know I'll never leave you."

She jerked away to jab him in the chest with a sharp finger, her other hand swiping at the tears still running down her cheeks. "Oh yeah? What about Reinette? When you jumped through the window on Arthur the horse to save her little blonde self from those robots, what happened to 'never leave you' then, huh? I waited five and a half hours for you to come back! Five and a half hours! An' when you decided to jump down that endless hole on that black hole planet? You couldn't have known the TARDIS would be down there! You left me then too!" She was shouting now, tears running freely down her face.

He stared down at the floor, focusing on the individual strands of pink carpeting. "I know I did. I'm sorry, Rose."

She glared at him. "Oh am I going to hear the famous 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry' speech now? 'Cause I don't think I wanna hear it!"

He raised his gaze to hers and met her glare with his own darkening eyes. "It's not any sort of rehearsed speech, Rose. Any time I have to say it to someone I can't save it takes away part of my life and I hate it. I want everyone to live and I can't do anything to make it happen. Do you think I like watching people I know die? My friends? My whole species? My entire planet?!"

"I...sorry. I didn't know," Rose stammered feeling her anger with him slowly disappear.

"Well now you do. I hope you're happy. And to think I came to check to see if you were all right," he snapped, looking back to the floor.

A few minutes passed before Rose gathered enough courage to softly touch his arm. He flinched away slightly before glancing up at her and she was surprised to see tears glistening in his eyes.

"Doctor, I..." she trailed off when he gently reached up to rest his hand against her cheek.

"I know, Rose," he whispered, tightly enveloping her in his arms. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that."

She smiled slightly and wrapped her own arms around him, squeezing hard.

Suddenly they both leaped apart as a loud popping noise erupted from between their bodies.

"Oh no! We broke him!" Rose exclaimed, picking up a button that had detached from her bear's face.

The Doctor gingerly picked up the bear itself and carefully examined the wad of string still attached to its face. "It's not too bad. I can still fix him, Rose. Here, give me the button."

Rose handed him the small circular piece of black plastic as he rummaged in his pockets for the sonic screwdriver. He located it and carefully positioned the button on the bear's face. He depressed the small stud on the screwdriver's handle and a quiet buzzing filled the room.

After a few moments he switched the device off and replaced it in his pocket. He held up the blue bear and grinned. "See, Rose? Mr Tedopoulos is as right as rain again!"

Rose smiled wryly and took her bear back, hugging him tightly. "Thanks. Don't know what I'd do if I didn't have him."

"Oi, you've got me too you know!"

"Yeah sometimes," she replied quietly, not looking at him.

He shifted uncomfortably on the mattress. "I know. Sorry. Say, I never asked, where did you get Mr Tedopoulos?" he asked brightly, desperately trying to change the subject of their not-conversation.

She glanced up at him for a moment before looking away again with a small smile. "My gran made him for me when I was little and she put him in one of my Christmas gifts. Never went anywhere important without him. I even snuck him into Henrik's my first day."

The Doctor grinned and ran his hand over the blue fur of the bear's arm.

"An' then this weird alien guy asked me if I wanted to take a trip with him and I ran off without Mr Tedopoulos."

"Oi, I'm not weird!"

She elbowed him with a grin. "You are too. But you're my weird alien so I don't mind it so much."

He smiled and curled his arm around her, holding her close. "And you're my silly little ape who has to carry an odd, blue fuzzy bear everywhere."

"Oi, he has feelings too, you know!" she retorted, poking at his shoulder.

"Of course he does. Sorry, Mr Tedopoulos."

"He says its okay," Rose murmured quietly, snuggling up next to the smirking Time Lord.

"You know, Rose," he said quietly after a few minutes. "I think I know why you forgot Mr Tedopoulos when you decided to join me."

"Mmm?"

"He decided you were old enough to be on your own and didn't need him. He's a smart old teddy bear."

A soft snore was his only reply.

The Doctor looked down at the amazing human he had found and let a loving smile cross his face as he gently pushed a few strands of blonde hair away from her face. She had promised him forever and he was going to do his best to make sure that happened.

"I love you, Rose Tyler," he whispered almost too quietly for he himself to hear.

Tomorrow he decided, he was going to take her to see her mother. He knew she had a present to give to Jackie as well as a load of washing and he could do with some of that fantastic tea of hers.

Tomorrow was the next day of their forever together. The Doctor and Rose Tyler, stuff of legends.


End file.
